Willis in the house, yo!

busy busy busy

2008-07-16T20:24:00.001-04:00

sorry, haven't had time to post lately; been too busy. don't expect much posting for a while.

wtf and holy shit

2008-06-07T15:04:00.002-04:00

first off, if you crazy broads give out your #, then expect to get called. if you don't want to be called, then DON'T FUCKING GIVE OUT YOUR #. wtf.

2nd, holy shit it's still hot as balls outside. it's ridiculous. when i walk outside it feels like I just walked into an oven the size of earth. seriously. wtf.

this could be an interesting saturday...

2008-06-07T04:30:00.002-04:00

timing is gonna be short, but I'm better when I wing things...well, i mean, at least I CAN wing it when i have to...i read a thing about NOT winging job interviews, but what the hell, I wing speeches and I think I do pretty damn good (hell, i got a 94% one time and the teach didn't know I was winging it until afterwards when i told her! :P

road trip

2008-06-04T20:39:00.001-04:00

goin out of town this weekend, got some job interviews. so we'll see what happens.

not too much to report

2008-05-31T21:12:00.002-04:00

but i bought some new clothes today. however, I still have that feeling that i'm probably not quite in style, seeing as how the clothes i bought (not all of them) were on sale...so they probably put the shit that's not in style anymore on sale to make room for the shit that's IN style...but of course, I always seem to be behind the power curve on the trendy shit. whatever.

I need to find this stuff

2008-05-30T02:28:00.001-04:00

it's effing good

well it's official

2008-05-27T00:40:00.002-04:00

I'm not in style. Not the first time someone told me my Jerusalem Cruisers weren't "in" anymore, but I actually got told that. not just making fun of me, like, seriously, I "should throw them away".

sheesh. didn't know I was that far off the mark.

nothing to lose

2008-05-19T22:04:00.002-04:00

that's kinda how i feel right now after watching some people die on this tv show I just watched...it's kinda sombering.

but I guess there's a good possibility of some things looking up, here in the future. only time will tell...but that would be great if they did :)

the good ole days

2008-05-14T01:52:00.002-04:00

I talked with an old flame (i never said the flame went out) tonight for a few hours...we talked about the good times we used to have, some good memories...sometimes I wish I could change the past; make one small decision that, in reality, make a huge difference. sort of like the butterfly effect...

also read a few old blog posts...like, from 2005. damn. i used to post a lot, and use lots of words, and lots of big ones at that. am I just getting lazy or what? it's not like I have anyone to talk to now, wtf.

so yeah. time for bed. and tomm i get to play golf for work for the 2nd time, SECOND, in a week, bitches. yeah, suck on that.

Dear kellie,

2008-05-10T03:41:00.003-04:00

"talk to you next time ..."
yeah. right.
W.T.F.E.

Damn

2008-05-10T03:41:00.001-04:00

I forgot what I was gonna post about but damn...guess I'm drunk

A+b ,& b=c, so A= C.......

2008-05-10T03:40:00.001-04:00

Apparently I'm not qualified to go after the the most attractive, conservative chick at the club......

The difference...

2008-04-29T00:49:00.001-04:00

Between having a g/f & not is the ability to throw my clean laundry in a pile on the floor & be able to get away with it or not. So in that respect I have it good cuz I'm doing exactly that tonight.

AT&T's response to my email...

2008-04-23T20:44:00.002-04:00

can you believe that not even 24hrs after I sent that email, they didn't email me back...THEY CALLED ME BACK. wow. A very nice lady wanted to know my exact problem, and what I suggested to fix it. now THAT'S customer service. Are you listening, Sprint? Maybe if you would've done the same thing, you'd still have a 9yr customer.

the email I just sent AT&T

2008-04-23T00:07:00.000-04:00

"I'm emailing reference to your "viewmymessage.com" website. HOLY. CRAP. PLEASE fix this horrible site. At least for the love of god send a clickable link in the txt msg. even better would be to fix the site so I can actually use it; it's slow, it only works 50% of the time, and the 50% of the time that it does work, the graphics/text aren't readable. the last time I got a message, the text was below the image and i had to scroll, but the image was constantly refreshing, and it reset my scroll, so it was impossible to read below 5 lines. seriously. WTF."

Happy Birthday, Dave

2008-04-14T23:15:00.003-04:00

so much for fate

2008-04-04T22:33:00.002-04:00

I think i've come to the conclusion that there isn't that classic, hollywood movie-type of "love at first sight" shit. I don't think that happens. the reason is because I don't believe in a "plan" of any sort; I'm pretty sure shit just happens when it happens, nothing planned. I think it's more like, a long time friendship that turns "we've been really good friends for a while, let's take it a step further". there's no instant "thing". I think it's gradual.

which is bad news for me...means I've got a bit of waiting to go... :/

JESUS. H. CHRIST.

2008-04-03T15:37:00.001-04:00

Mandatory fun. In 2wks. At work.

I want to kill myself. DON'T FUCKING MAKE ME GO TO SOME SHIT I DON'T
WANT TO GO TO. IT FUCKING DEFEATS THE PURPOSE.

When you make fuckers go to shit, they automatically resist it, and all
the effort is lost. It's a 100% waste of time. It wastes the dumbass'
talking time, and it wastes the time of the fuckers you make go to it.
PERIOD.

"[People on SJ] provided feedback on areas you would like to see
improved when you completed the 2006 Air Force Needs Assessment." I'm
sorry, ASSHOLE, it's fucking 2008. You're about 2yrs too fucking late.

GODDAMMIT. I can't fucking wait to get the FUCK out of the AF.

CSI vs Porn

2008-04-02T23:37:00.003-04:00

Next time you watch CSI (any series), and they start doing CSI type shit, close your eyes, and I guarantee it sounds just like you're watching a porn. Try it. I double-dog dare you.

how-to project

2008-03-31T02:39:00.001-04:00

Pics here.

cause & effect

2008-03-30T02:44:00.002-04:00

this is what I think when it comes to all religions...

http://vidallena.org/skinpal.htm

TNT

2008-03-23T00:54:00.002-04:00

Nice...TNT is advertising "all new episodes" of the closer & saving grace, starring the 2 UGLIEST BROADS in TV. wtf.

religion vs the lottery

2008-03-11T00:39:00.002-04:00

I was just thinking, a lot of people "pick" their religion. and they each believe "they" have the right one...but they can't (and don't) know, and that's why it's called faith.

Now, you can also go down to the gas station and "pick" your powerball numbers, believing they are the right ones, but you can't (and don't) know that either.

So what's the difference?

Well, if I play the lottery, and I lose, I can choose to play again the next week. If I win, I have an easy life.

If I play the lottery with my religion and I'm wrong, I get to "burn in hell for eternity". If I win, I "have an easy (after)life".

The difference is, playing and losing the lottery sucks, but it's ok. I can choose to play again or not. I get more than one try. You only get to pick your religion once...that is, you can change it as many times as you want during your life, but when you die you're stuck w/the last one you picked.

That's kinda final, and not really a fun game. So I choose not to play that game. I don't like having to make a single, all-or-nothing choice. I choose to not pick. And yes, that's a valid option, so fuck off before you start saying it's not. (when you flip a coin, there are 3 possible results:heads, tails, or nothing, because you chose not to flip at all)

Maybe if I knew the right answer, it'd be more fun...I guess that's what the two have in common...

And to be honest, I don't care what happens when/after I'm dead. The 2 are completely different (that we, in this life, know), so it doesn't matter. You don't just go out and buy a gas mask because you think your gonna get gassed tomorrow. tomorrow comes and goes, and you're still here with your worthless gasmask. so I say fuck it. I don't need to worry about the shit that has NO EFFECT WHATSOEVER on this lifetime.

here's the problem

2008-02-28T00:17:00.003-05:00

you tell a woman "You look really nice today".

and she hears "You look really nice. today."

and then she says "So you're saying I didn't look nice yesterday?!"

and therein lies the dilemma. Why can't they just accept a compliment instead of dissecting the fuck out of it?! jesus.

ask me how I know; it's happened to me before (not this example verbatim, but you get the picture).

i'm so ready to leave

2008-02-15T01:37:00.002-05:00

i'm so tired. of this place. this town. this job. this LIFE.

i'm pretty fucking sure that there are other people who have it worse than i do. so maybe you could say that i'm better off at my worst than they are at their best. but comparisons are bullshit. you can't compare 2 people like that.

it's sad how we have to mask our real selves during the day to fit in. i see people do it. i see myself do it.

i'm off to crash now. hopefully i won't sleep in too late like i did today.

How to port your # to AT&T

2008-02-07T17:28:00.001-05:00

Here are some basic instructions to do this the most painless way. This is for if you are porting your # & you’ve moved out of the original region where the phone # is from. The porting system won’t port #’s from different regions, but the reps on the phone should know how to circumvent the stupid system.

1^st, call AT&T Porting Dept at 1-888-898-7685. Tell them you want to port a # in. In order to do this, you will have to get a new SIM card. You can have them send you one in the mail, or you can goto the nearest AT&T retailer and pick one up for free. They should put a note in your account so when you go to pick it up, they don’t charge you for it.

2^nd, call AT&T Relocations Dept at 1-800-826-7375. Tell them you want to port a # in. You already have a new SIM, so you’re set. You’re going to need your current phone #, your old phone # (the one you’re porting), your old account # & the password for the account, the address where the # you’re porting was ORIGINALLY from, & maybe your social.

You should be set! They have to issue you a temporary phone # in your original region (they prolly won’t tell you what it is, it doesn’t matter), and they have to setup that temp # w/a local address. That’s why they need the old info. Once they set that account up, they can transfer the # you want to port to that account, and then replace the old address with your current billing address.

Once the port is complete (no more than 3hrs; mine was good in about 5min), this will IMMEDIATELY cancel the account that number was originally through. Be forewarned; you will probably be hit with an Early Termination Fee (ETF) along w/the monthly charges for that account.

I was lucky to have a person knowledgable to be able to do the relocation & porting stuff; but most likely you will have to be transferred to the porting department for them to do that part.

so I did it; I took the plunge

2008-02-05T22:27:00.000-05:00

Yes, I bought an iPhone. And not more than a week later, they come out with updated newer models. FUCKERS! But no matter, I don't need more space, my 8gb is enough. besides, who uses their phone for music? it's a damn phone.

BUT HOLY BALLS IT KICKS THE SHIT OUT OF WINDOWS MOBILE.

Goddammit i hate my wm6 phone. it's SUCH a piece of shit. I'm selling that piece of garbage on ebay to pay for my ETF from sprint.

Yeah, so that means my phone # is still the same for those of you who know it, however I don't have Sprint for service, i have AT&T. I have free AT&T to AT&T though.

so anyway, that is it. I LOVE my iPhone...it's SO damn nice to use...and IT. JUST. WORKS. Like a piece of technology should.

Scene XI "Bananas"

2008-01-31T10:06:00.000-05:00

Yeah...

2008-01-06T01:47:00.001-05:00

So i wish i could be home right now...crash in my own bed...i "could" drive but i know i shouldn't, & i won't. But i "could". I'm pretty drunk...last weekend before my buddy deploys...

the "club"

2008-01-04T01:22:00.000-05:00

you know what REALLY fucking pisses me off??? when I have to explain for the billionth time, EVERY time ppl ask me if i want to go to the goddamn club. similiar to how stewie put it "if I said no the last 50 times, why the HELL would I say yes this time?!"

seriously. i get fucking irate when people do that shit. and then they say "well where do you want to go willis?" and I say "FUCK YOU". one person does not get to decide what the group does. don't fucking decide what to do or what not to do just because I don't want to go there. fuck that. you go, and if you do then i'm not going. if you go somewhere else, then maybe i'll go. I. don't. have. to. go. go the fuck without me, trust me, i'll live, and I won't hate you for it.

I'm never going to that fucking shithole ever again. end of the fucking discussion, so piss off.

2007-12-29T03:01:00.001-05:00

Yeah, so I guess i'm not "alpha male" enough. I gotta look that shit up but I think it means "caveman-like".

I def gotta look elsewhere for some high class dames...

this is why I watch Attack of the Show on G4TV

2007-12-27T00:12:00.000-05:00

merry effing xmas

2007-12-21T22:02:00.000-05:00

Look at how BADASS our xmas tree is. our tree can kick your tree's ass any day of the week. except for today. or the next day. or any other day of the week.

Click the tree to open a new window where you can turn the tree on and off. spiffy, huh?

will power

2007-12-17T01:53:00.000-05:00

you know, i told myself i was done w/broads down here until I move to wherever I end up going...but I couldn't make it 4mo. Course, nothing came of it, but still I tried. I broke my own rule because of a woman...damn their power.

well, here goes to another attempt at avoiding the crazy broads...we'll see how long I can dodge the next bullet before it (she) strikes.

9 months left...and i'm out of this shit hole.

update

2007-12-16T14:49:00.000-05:00

well, it's been 2.5hrs and no return phone call after having to leave a msg.

I should have guessed as much.

I got...

2007-12-15T13:05:00.000-05:00

a phone # bitches! w00t! Went to the Irish Pub last night w/the roommate to meet a couple of his friends. Had a beer and a pizza.

And then I saw her.

Wow. She is CUTE.

So I finally worked myself up to go talk to her and offered to buy her a drink, and next thing you know we talk for 10min, and I ask her if I can call her this weekend for coffee or something and she says sure! :) So I'll call her tomm and we'll see what happens.

more to come later...

life

2007-11-10T02:13:00.001-05:00

You kow, honestly i have a good life...i pay my bills, i drive a nice car, i have a nice apt...but...i'm lonely. It's nice, but it's lonely. I can see myself growing old, by myself...and...it sucks. But oh well. That's how it is. (ps, i'm drunk, but that doesn't make me wrong)

I'm almost speechless

2007-11-02T19:14:00.000-04:00

for those of you who know me, and how I tend to get pissed off at the drop of a hat about the littlest things...the next 2 items, SERIOUSLY PISS ME OFF. Like, really. If I had a gun, there are certain people who would be D.E.A.D. Period. I don't give a fuck. I would kill them. I do not care; these worthless fucks, not worthy to be called human trash deserve to be rotting in the street.

First, these GODLESS-HEATHAN-FUCKS.

I. HATE. THESE. MOTHERFUCKERS. End of discussion. These fucking pricks rank right up there with the taliban fuckers. They all need to die. Die or SHUT THE FUCK UP. If you don't like gay people, PROTEST GAY PEOPLE. WTF do american soldiers dying have to do with that?! and since the answer is NOT A GODDAMN THING, then that means these fucking idiots are fucking brainless tools. "follow the leader". "become a sheep". they can go straight to fucking hell, and all the fucks who agree with them. They can all eat my asshole.

This next group of douchebags doesn't quite irk me as much as the previous, but still, really bothers the shit out of me. and just for clarification, I'm talking about the idiots who are complaining about the movie, not snopes.com. OK. HERE'S the deal. IF YOU DON'T LIKE A MOVIE, OR WHAT IT'S ABOUT, OR WHAT'S IN IT, DON'T. GO. FUCKING. SEE. IT. I don't want to fucking hear you bitch about it because it disagrees with YOUR belief. cuz guess what, I don't believe what you do, so I don't fucking care about your belief. I'm not going to trample on it, I'm going to politely LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE; SO DO THE SAME FOR ME. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. You don't hear people bitching about Narnia because it had chirstian values in it; who the fuck cares. but GOD FORBID a movie DOESN'T have that shit...HOLY SHIT THE SKY IS GOING TO COLLAPSE. Just STFU! If you're allowed to bombard kids with non-stop christian values, then guess what, they'll prolly start accepting it because IT'S ALL THEY FUCKING KNOW. How else are they supposed to make their own decsion if you only GIVE them one option??? It's only fucking fair to give them all the options available and let them make thier own goddamn choice to believe A, B, or C, or NONE OF THE ABOVE.

GOD, this shit makes me SO FUCKING IRITATED. like, I seriously get IRATE over this shit because people can't leave other people the FUCK alone. "oh, I have rights, the 1st amendment". well guess what, I have rights too, TO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT.

bruce lee...

2007-10-22T01:50:00.001-04:00

L O L

moonwalk

2007-10-17T20:35:00.000-04:00

excuse me for living

2007-10-12T20:27:00.000-04:00

3rd time now, in less than a month, ppl made fun of or commented on my hair. 2nd time in a month ppl made fun of or commented on my clothing.

wtf. i'm SORRY i don't conform to your standards and blend in with everyone else. i'm sorry i don't drive an american piece of shit, wear nikes, dress baggie, or listen to r&b shit. GOD FORBID someone be different than you.

i'm so fucking sick of this place and the fuckers here.

feeling accomplished

2007-10-06T21:23:00.000-04:00

I bled my entire brake system today on the viggen...YOU'RE supposed to do that shit every 2yrs...but nobody fucking does. but I did it today...and that shit was ugly brown...so it needed it. I recommend doing it...never hurts to be safe and maintain your damn brakes.

waiting for some tools to arrive so I can order the right parts so I can finish putting the 760 together. i'm at like 48% done. after I get all the shit, it's just reassemble and pray it fucking works :)

so if it all fucking works, then I might not look for a 240......or I might still :P I *love* those 240s...trying to find a '93 240 sedan, but I'm having trouble finding a nice one w/"low" miles that I like...almost bought one the other day but some fucker got it before me. but maybe I'll get a 240 to be my good daily driver if my 760 pans out, and I can continue to fix up the small shit since that car will be damn near new (engine wise). OR what if I put this "new" turbo engine in a "new" 240? :D THAT would be PIMP.

but I digress.

local news

2007-10-02T22:02:00.000-04:00

you know what? the local news can EAT MY ASS WITH A SPOON. they're a bunch of fucking douchebags!

"next on Fox 50; which neighborhoods are using too much water? we'll show you"

guess what. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO'S USING TOO MUCH WATER. "oh, my pussy hurts, the neighbors are using too much water to water their lawn during our 'water outage'". S T F U.

it's fucking 3rd grade. and fox is the fucking tattle tale little bitch. GODDAMMIT i hate tattletales!

FOX - GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

I wish...

2007-09-22T12:59:00.001-04:00

You know, after tonight, I wish I had a g/f...cuz seeing my best friend have his g/f lay her head down on his lap when she was tired...it just made me wish I had a girl who would want to do that w/me...I'm a good guy...I could be that guy for a girl...

a balloon

2007-09-18T22:46:00.000-04:00

that's what i feel like lately. I float off by myself...no real attachment to anything/anyone...but every now and then someone will grab my string and pull me back down for a bit, but it never lasts long. i just float back up, up and away from everything.

i enjoy the solitude, usually. but lately, it's just that; solitude...and lonely.

I sometimes find myself slipping back into the good times I had 2-3mo ago...but I have to remind myself that it was what it was, and now it's "not" anymore. I hope she had a good time. I know I did (keyword, being "did"). not so much anymore though.

it would be nice to spend that solitude w/like, one person. i know that doesn't make it very good solitude, but it's shared solitude. and I like that kind too.

well i plan on going to CA in the next year or so...so maybe i'll find that woman out there who I can share that solitude with. maybe.

wow #2

2007-09-09T18:13:00.000-04:00

haha, I don't remember typing the last post until I read it just now :P It was a good night tho; at least I didn't puke :)

holy shit I spent some $ today. Like, I shouldn't have, but I get paid fri, so fuck it. I bought a sports jacket! so now I can rock out like Dr House. I think. We'll see soon enough. went to see SuperBad. it was ok. worth the 5.50, but def not 8.50. ate at andy's. a couple cute chicks...and by cute chicks, i mean possible jailbait. but it's ok just to look...i'm not out looking to buy right now anyway. but speaking of that, there's this really cute chick (not jailbait tho) at Sears I seen a couple times...I been back there prolly everyday since thurs or fri to ask her out, but she hasn't been there...... :/ fuckin broads. anyway, I keep buying shit at sears cuz dammit, there's shit on sale, and I need (aka, want) shit.

so i'm still waiting on my damn O2 sensor to get here. CHRIST. how the fuck long does it take to ship something that weighs like 2oz. god. that's what I get for buying it half price (fucker better work too or I'll be M A D pissed).

wow

2007-09-08T03:02:00.000-04:00

so, yeah, i'm pretty fucked up right now.......thanks to my roomate...who picked me up...otherwise i was gonna crash on my buddy's couch...

11 shots of jager...(finished mine, then started another)....and this one fuckin broad was all over me like white on rice......HOLY FUCK. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU FUCKING WHORE.

Like JESUS H. CHRIST. seriously. you're still MARRIED. not SEPARATED. MARRIED. FUCK THAT. or NOT fuck that. no. I'm not going ANY fuck WHERE near that shit. not after what the fuck I was just told about her...not to mention I know her HUSBAND. and I'm cool w/him. so NOT fuck that. jesus. wtf is wrong with people.

wow, i'm drunk. you don't know how many times i hit the backspace key to fix my spelling...it's a lot...but i like to spell right, so it's a LOT.

my roommate's the shit. he picked me up, so i gotta get my car tomm...but it's all good, cuz i'm drunk......fukin jager (yes, I spelled fuckin, 'fukin' on purpose).

I'm gonna pass out now.

The Volvo Lives!!

2007-09-06T19:37:00.000-04:00

FUCKIN A RIGHT, DOGGIE!

Started putting the turbo in yesterday, and finished it tonight. One of the headbolts is broke off (fuckin whore), but I'm missing my O2 sensor right now, so I can't tell if it's puttering too loud or not....when I get the O2 sensor replaced, we'll see.

but she runs good and DOESN'T SMOKE!!

So I'm gonna try to putt around in the Volvo now :) w00t!

car update

2007-09-03T20:50:00.001-04:00

so i FINALLY got the damn turbo apart, and rebuilt, and back together, so now all i have to do is put it back in the car. i'm tired after doing that shit...I'll start tomorrow i think.

y'all bitches suck.

2007-09-02T01:52:00.000-04:00

i'm up and i been drinkin, and no one's online to talk shit, and fred won't answer the damn phone. wtf.

ah well, i had a good night :D half a bottle of Jager and I'm good :P

food for thought

2007-08-25T22:58:00.001-04:00

so I just finished watching the movie "CashBack". good flick. really. good story, funny, nudity ( :D ). but seriously, good movie, go watch it.

which got me thinking, I should start writing poetry again. it doesn't have to be sad, or happy, I should just write it. so maybe i'll give that a shot later...if this damn headache goes away...

get out of my head!

2007-08-23T00:22:00.000-04:00

I'm having a hard time forgetting...trying not to think...
about the good times, the great times, the times we just had fun, talked, etc etc...but then I start to
resent the good times, the great times, the times we just had fun, talked, etc etc...
and it's a back and forth thing, a constant tug of war.

why couldn't things just be simple? this constant cat and mouse game, it's such bullshit.

of course, I'm sure there were other factors at work that I was, and probably still am, unaware of.
Which sucks, because it leaves questions unanswered, and I absolutely hate that feeling.

so....

Just. get. out. of my. head.

I need to move on.
I have to move on.

"You know what really grinds my gears?"

2007-08-16T07:28:00.000-04:00

"is new car smell toxic?"
"do cell phones cause cancer?"
"ARE YOU ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING RETARDS?"

everybody will die. and it's not because you smelled too much "new car smell". or because you yapped your trap on the phone too much. if you think so, then please just keep doing so and die sooner because you're a fucking idiot. that shit does not kill you. um, LIFE kills you. you will die, but it won't be due to any of these dumbass reasons. period.

newsflash

2007-08-14T06:29:00.000-04:00

got fluid to the rear brakes. FINALLY.

in other news, broads are still crazy.

that is all.

buzz

2007-08-11T23:53:00.001-04:00

Got a buzz so far...at the club :/ whatever :)

And saw a good comedian tonight...can't remember his name but he was "funny as shit" :D

fuck mr nice guy

2007-08-10T17:40:00.000-04:00

i don't know how many times i've said that. and yet, he keeps coming back. and he keeps getting shit on.

i'm fucking serious; i'm fucking DONE w/broads. i'm not gay, i'm just fucking done w/broads. until the next one comes along and starts fucking w/mr nice guy. cuz that's wtf happens. I'm just done w/people. all they do is fuck you. they take what they want, and leave you. seriously. christ, i'm so fucking done.

cars don't fuck you. they may drain your bank account, but that's it. they don't ask for anything but your time and attention. both of which I have plenty of. and i'm happy to give it. and a car's not gonna stop asking for time and attention, especially an old car like mine. she needs a LOT of time and attention. and that's ok. and if I don't have the time or attention to spend on her, she's ok with that. I'll get to her when I can.

she's my only focus now, just getting her running good and braking good. after that, everything else is minor. just a lot of little things. but that's good because I need those lots of little things to occupy my time and attention. it works.

and when i get the car running good, I'll make sure to run mr nice guy the fuck over and over and over.

the phone call that changed...

2007-08-10T10:56:00.000-04:00

nothing. yeah, not much really changed at all. "don't call her". ok. cuz I wasn't going to anyway. I don't need "instructions" to not do something I wasn't going to do anyway. but whatever. if they feel better knowing I'm not going to call, then good. win-win situation, right?

whatever.

what I am; what I am not

2007-08-05T23:34:00.000-04:00

I think the problem is that I'm not good boyfriend material. I think that I'm good husband material. but the problem is that you usually have to be a boyfriend before you can be a husband. at least that's my take. hell, i could be an even worse husband than I am a boyfriend, who knows. dunno if I'll ever know...not that it matters anyway.

just a dumb thought. a dumb, dumb thought.

i wish I had a switch...

2007-08-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

...to be able to turn off my emotions. but I can't. and it hurts...but it's my own fault. It's a fatal flaw. I care too much, and I get attached too damn easy. like, it's not even funny. I've been told by more than one person that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can't help it. I can't. i mean, maybe that's my problem, why I'm still single. I have these thoughts that I'm the nice guy that can treat a woman like she deserves; show her respect, and kindness, and that I would do damn near anything for her. It's so fucked up, because maybe i'm wrong. I'm not conceited about this stuff, I just don't see women getting treated like that, and I want to show them (at least one) what it's like to be treated "right" (in my opinion). and it's not that they all don't. there are other factors, like, those that don't want to be in a relationship, or aren't ready for one right now, or they might think I'm playing them, or god knows what else.

right now, i just don't have the inclination to look for anyone. I need some "me" time for a while. time to build up that wall around my heart again and let it heal. at least until the next time i'm feeling bold and put it out there again, exposed to the elements. i know i can't live sheltered, afraid of the possibility of being hurt...some people call that life...

I know that this feeling right now was not intentional. I knew it was possible I might get hurt. and yet I chose to continue. so of course I don't blame anyone else. I take full responsibility :) :/

volvo update

2007-08-04T17:37:00.000-04:00

I think I've spent at least 2hrs everyday after work since wednesday working on the volvo. I replaced the rear shocks, the rear rotors w/pads, hood struts, tranny mount, blower motor, antenna, oil change w/marvel mystery oil & some other compression fixer-shit. she still smokes. i kind of expect that. i'm sure the head gasket's blown, but if I can make sure the brakes are worthy, then i'll be driving her to my buddy's house next weekend to do that. we should be able to knock that out in one night, pending nothing fucking breaks that's important :/

i tried bleeding the brakes today, but no fucking fluid would come out! WTF?! so I read on the internet that if you have the parking brake set, the brakes won't bleed....once again, i'm like WTF??!! so I'm gonna try it again later and see if that fixes it...I hope so cuz otherwise i'm gonna drop another $150 in calipers all around and just be done w/it. fuck it. maybe i can do the fuel pump/filter soon too. and then the radiator w/hoses & thermostat. but i might do the radiator shit w/the head gasket since it's gotta be drained for that anyway.

and (a) motor mount's gotta go in too...i'd like to...it's gonna be a BITCH though. the tranny mount was a fucking breeze.

got some IC chips on order from china to repair the factory amp so the damn speakers stop cutting out...GOD that PISSES me off when they do that...and I cleaned the head unit so hopefully no more static when changing the volume...

the electronic climate control isn't working right...at least as far as I can tell...might just be more vacuum leaks...christ knows I have enough fucking vacuum/no vacuum problems already...sheesh...

change of plans (again)

2007-07-28T01:29:00.000-04:00

think I'm gonna nix the plans for the 91 volvo and just fixup my 760. the 760's a PIMP car afterall...well, once she's all fixed up and running good, that is. so I dumped like $650 in parts today, and another $200 or so was backordered...plus shocks I need to buy ($450), and tires ($500?)...but that's still only like $2k TOTAL for the car, and she'll be in great condition...new parts, and shit.

so guess that's the plan...

doubt

2007-07-27T07:29:00.001-04:00

well there's a possibility that I'll be buying a [new to me] car this weekend. found a 1991 Volvo 240 w/only 167k mi. she's just a baby :) Got a loan, so I have the $ for her and some extra for any needed repairs...not sure if I'll buy her or not though...depends when I actually go see how she runs/drives. And assuming I buy her and she's a good, reliable car, I'll have to sell my real baby, my Viggen. It's quite a step down...no leather, turbo, auto climate control, power seats, sunroof, CD...but a 240 is a damn reliable car and easy as hell to work on. RWD also so I can fishtail again :D Oh yeah, she's also an automatic...which I'm once again kinda looking forward to. I can still drop her into lower gears if I need/want to so I can almost drive it like a stick.

guess we'll see. but if she works out, then when this is all said and done, I won't have a hugeass car payment anymore and that will be great.

among other things, doubt has started to creep in too, but we'll just have to see how far that goes as well :/

sleep is good

2007-07-24T10:24:00.000-04:00

hell yes, i just got like 10hrs sleep. during the week no less! work late shift today, so I got to stay up late and sleep in. it's good cuz it made up for the lack of sleep I had prior this week :)

busy day yesterday; my friend holley came over yesterday (brought me a shake; thanks!) we hung out for a while, talked about some things. then 5min after she leaves my old roommate drops back by w/his girl. they left a little while later, and now he's on his way to korea...

then I watched Eragon. I think I liked the book better. the movie seemed rushed. blah.

that is all.

holy. crap.

2007-07-23T07:52:00.000-04:00

Do you have any idea WTF I ate last night? because I didn't until after the fact :) Actually, I had some pasta w/alfredo sauce, chicken & mushrooms; my date had pasta in marinara sauce w/shrimp. but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the appetizer. it was calamari. I have never had calamari. I thought the calamari came with onion rings. it did not. the calamari _was_ the so-called onion rings. and it came with something else. something else entirely...and after I had eaten one (and my date did too), she informed me that it was in fact, fried octopus. wow. I'm glad she told me afterward :) I kinda wish she hadn't told me until after we had the chance to eat all of it...but it didn't taste bad, it was just the idea in my head...but I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm not allergic to calamari, octopus, or shrimp :)

on a side note, try to remember that cheesecake melts if it's not in the fridge :P

mission accomplished

2007-07-19T00:01:00.000-04:00

the package was delivered at precisely 23:14, on 18 Jul, 2007. no? ok, would you believe 23:14, give or take 5min? No? Ok, would you believe SOMETIME in the late evening, before midnight on the 18th? yeah, something like that. Anyway, I hope she likes it; I'm sure she will :)

the empty cup

2007-07-11T21:54:00.000-04:00

I think my purpose on life is to make other people happy. I think I've said that before. I like making people happy, but it comes at a cost; which I am happy to pay. but the problem arises when I run empty...you spend so much for so long, and you don't put any back in, you run out. well it's happened again I think...I just feel drained...empty...nobody pours into me, so I have to recharge myself. and that takes time...

maybe it's just one of those low points in the roller coaster of life. my job sucks. it does. it's easy, and I like doing work, but when your hobby becomes your job, it becomes work and it sucks all the fun out of it. on top of that, my coworkers are not my peers. i'm the youngest, lowest ranking, only single guy there. my roommate is leaving tomorrow and I don't have a 100% guaranteed replacement. my rent check bounced. I can't see my friend on her birthday because I have to fucking work late next week. I can't see her tomorrow because she had something come up. my phone sucks. it just does. i'm going to move into my roommate's old room and I hate moving with a passion; and it's only like 10ft.

the solitude for a while will be nice...but I need someone to fill me back up...running on empty sucks.

Good GREAT weekend

2007-07-08T19:19:00.000-04:00

yes, since fri night until about an hour ago, I think I had the greatest weekend in a LONG, LONG TIME. it's all about the quality time...really didn't matter what we did, but we played cards w/friends, watched a movie, got coffee...and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat :)

Bummer every weekend can't be this fun.

paper airplanes

2007-07-02T13:49:00.001-04:00

i gave a speech today how to make 2 diff paper airplanes. I think it went pretty good for not practicing; except for the part where powerpoint decided to jump the gun and ruin the cool ending before it was supposed to...shitty software...

turns out I also got an "A" on my humor speech that didn't seem to float very well, and a "check mark" on my inspirational/motivational. so I guess that's a good thing; it wasn't an "X".

i think I have a improptu and the group speech left and i'm done. kinda looking forward to being done w/class, but I do enjoy the classroom part...the homework/research part I don't care so much for.

that is all for now.

cancel, nix, 86, etc...

2007-07-01T02:57:00.000-04:00

it really is disappointing to hear someone cancel plans w/you...but i can't dwell on it, I gotta try to sleep it off or something......

i'm a [fill in the blank] whore

2007-06-24T12:21:00.000-04:00

yeah. um, let's see here...email, yes, I'm most definitely an email whore...internet, that works too...there are others I'm sure, but only a few really fit that sentence well. it's a joke, though, all in good fun.

MOVIE! that was the other one! i'm also a movie whore. I like to get my hands on movies, and then I don't have time to watch them. how dumb is that. but at least I have the potential to watch a lot of movies. well, maybe capability is a better word to use.

the volvo is MINE, bitch! finally got her registered, and tagged and insured. so now all my work and money I spent on her was not for naught. I'll get her all fixed up one of these days, when I come across some extra $$....rare as that is. I'm thinking about selling her though, just to save the $ and have some extra to put into something a little more important.

time to go find some foodage type material.
peace out

better

2007-06-21T19:32:00.000-04:00

i'm better now. amazing how your attitude can totally change after just a little bit of time.

waiting for Fri to come and go. it'll be nice to not *have* to do shit...I may not do much shit at work, but at least when I'm not at work, I don't HAVE to do shit.

i need to cutback on my coffee intake...that shit's EXPENSIVE. like $3.50/day.

baby

2007-06-20T23:27:00.000-04:00

what the FUCK is my problem?! why the fuck do I get SO goddamn attached so easily??? seriously, like, did my mother fucking hold me too much when I was a kid?? christ!

I think i'm really fucked up.

really.

crows feet

2007-06-20T23:11:00.000-04:00

my grandpa and my dad both have crows feet in the corner of their eyes. that means they laugh a lot, and if not laugh, at least they smile. i think that'll prolly happen to me too, but you wouldn't guess that from today.

life is full of roller coasters. today seems like the part where you ride through a platform that levels out your shit before you hit the next dip, and i've started down that dip. but at least the dip is fun on a real roller coaster. not so much in real life.

i'm really trying to keep myself from feeding this downward pull. i'm good at doing that (feeding it, that is). so right now i think i'm batting .500 This is why I love having a car to work on, to keep my mind busy with something that isn't necessary but fun.

i think i'm going to crash "early" even though I work late shift tomm. fuck it, I could use the sleep (unless i have another really FUCKED up dream...)

why people gotta hate?

2007-06-18T12:20:00.000-04:00

so I think people hate me in my speech class now. WTF? the instructor asked us who practiced our speeches 5 times...not many, if any, hands go up..."3 times?"...maybe a hand or 2 more..."practiced at all?!"...I wait, then comment that I wrote my outline this morning at work; "I'm sorry, I know you [instructors, etc] hate to hear this, but I don't practice; I do these off the cuff." She said she can't say there's anything wrong with that - that's how she does them; but as long as you're a person who can do that; if you can't, and it's obvious, then you need to practice. and most people just aren't the type who can do that [w/out practicing].

so class ends and I hear "you're a jerk, seth. makes the rest of us look like assholes". W T F. I didn't say that to make anyone else feel bad. who the fuck does that? _I'M SORRY_ you can't give a speech off the cuff. how the FUCK is that MY problem? Just do your goddamn speech and shut the fuck up. if you say "UM" too many fucking times, that's your fucking problem and you need to work on it. Guess what? I used to fucking do that too. but I've had to do enough speeches that I don't do that (as much) anymore. so I have practiced. just not before every speech I do now. does that make me a fucking bad guy? apparently fucking so.

and to top it all off, my anxiety complex kicks in when I don't hear back from people I kind of expect to (whether it's right to expect to or not)...and then my mind starts to wander. just like when I try to follow directions that say "turn left at denny's", and I drive and drive, and don't see a fucking denny's, so I think I might have turned the wrong way, so I turn around and drive twice as far the other way and then realize I MUST have been going the right way the first time, and drive all the fuck way BACK where I was to start with and then a block past that point I see the fucking denny's! I think it's part impatience and part unsureness.

I need to grow the fuck up...

moderately and happily surprised

2007-06-14T03:14:00.000-04:00

date #2 went as planned, if not better. i mean, "wow." I am genuinely happy about how the last 8hrs of my life were spent. and with whom they were spent.

I realize these few sentences don't convey my full satisfaction about the situation, but that's ok; I'm happy and that's all I'm saying.

happy, and eager to see her again :)

the date that could have been a disaster...

2007-06-10T23:06:00.000-04:00

but was the complete and utter opposite :) I mean, I meet this (awesome) girl for dinner & coffee, and like a JACKASS, I go to pay for the meal, and my FUCKING DEBIT CARD IS NOT THERE. SOB. thank god for 8 credit cards :P so no worries there. but the rest of the evening flew by; and that means I had an awesome time. I mean, seriously, I guess I didn't quite expect it to go so well but (I think) we really 'clicked'. I think she would say the same thing. We watched the movie "Babel", but watch is a strong word; more like, it was on, but neither of us watched it; it sucked as a movie anyway and we just talked through the whole thing anyway, it was background noise.

I truly hope to spend more quality time with her; her schedule is a little funky, but I don't think it will be a problem...if someone wants something bad enough, they'll make it work. not that I'm saying anything, just, I think things will work out in the long run :)

where the fuck have YOU been?

2007-06-07T23:05:00.000-04:00

that's a good question. but a better question might be "what the fuck is in Milano cookies that makes them so goddamn addictive?!". this question was brought to you by the letter H, for "holy shit, I ate 4 packages of those fucking milanos in a week".

in other news...my car putters. but it shouldn't for long. I had to buy a chunk of my exhaust, and now I have to put that chunk of exhaust on my car. not fun when the bitch has 3" clearance :/

it's hot as balls at my work; the fucking A/C is broke.

I failed my speech clep. fuckers! so now i'm taking the damn class. but it's not bad at all really. I enjoy talking in front of a bunch of fuckers. I may not be the most eloquent, and maybe I shake slightly or forget wtf I wanted to say, but I get the gist of it across, and fairly well I think. guess i'll find out in 7wks if I bullshitted my way through enough for a "pass".

night night for me; 5:30am's a bitch who's always on her period.

luck

2007-05-20T11:35:00.001-04:00

If you compare 2 diff people's lives, you would inherently start to believe that one is or has more luck than the other in any particular area. But it's relative; good luck compared to this person might look like bad luck compared to that person. However it always seems like bad luck when i compare my relationship luck w/anyone else's...

Party sense

2007-05-12T22:26:00.000-04:00

Subject: Party sense

I may not be the life of the party, but at least i keep the party alive; literally-someone's gotta drive these fuckers around so they don't drive drunk. :P

"me" time

2007-05-01T22:10:00.000-04:00

i think i'm gonna take some "me" time for a while. I need to recharge my batteries. recent events, and life, have had me close to empty lately, and i can't function like that. i don't really have anyone to help recharge me, except for time. just some time by myself to be ME. i have my routine, my idiosyncrasies, time to do what _I_ want to do. being single really does have it's perks. it's an ever-changing like/dislike. no happy medium.

i want a happy medium :/

the past

2007-04-28T23:50:00.000-04:00

i wish my old roommate was back. and not even to replace my current one; he was just a good friend. :(

my heart

2007-04-17T06:21:00.000-04:00

going to the cardiologist next week. bout time. military docs are BULLSHIT. got a headache? take some motrin. got the flu? take some motrin. broke a fucking leg? take some fucking motrin! fucking idiots. just like how the doc asked me if I was taking enough sodium...um, I have high blood pressure dumbass! sodium would make it worse!

Agnostic atheism

2007-04-09T14:14:00.000-04:00

This is me...sure fits the bill:

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

One of the earliest explanations of agnostic atheism is that of Robert Flint, in his Croall Lecture of 1887-1888 (published in 1903 under the title Agnosticism):

"The atheist may however be, and not unfrequently is, an agnostic. There is an agnostic atheism or atheistic agnosticism, and the combination of atheism with agnosticism which may be so named is not an uncommon one." (p.49)

"If a man has failed to find any good reason for believing that there is a God, it is perfectly natural and rational that he should not believe that there is a God; and if so, he is an atheist... if he goes farther, and, after an investigation into the nature and reach of human knowledge, ending in the conclusion that the existence of God is incapable of proof, cease to believe in it on the ground that he cannot know it to be true, he is an agnostic and also an atheist - an agnostic-atheist - an atheist because an agnostic... while, then, it is erroneous to identify agnosticism and atheism, it is equally erroneous so to separate them as if the one were exclusive of the other..." (p.50-51)

my life.

2007-04-05T21:47:00.000-04:00

you know, I don't claim to be better than anyone else. I don't think i'm smarter, or better, or cooler or any fuck-thing-better than anyone. and yet people treat me as such...fucking assholes. all of them. I don't control how the fucking cards fall. and i don't rub in how the fucking cards fall. it's called LIFE. let me live mine and go live your fucking own w/out bothering me YOU FUCKS.

random shit again

2007-03-31T12:13:00.000-04:00

so because of my ridiculous lack of energy from pt, etc, the doc gave me zantac. ZANTAC. that shit's for stomache acid reflux. wtf?! crazy broads.

speaking of broads, apparently my roommate gets booty calls at random. note i said "he gets", not "he calls for". fucking crazy.

bought a Wii. it's fun. and not that expensive.

volvo still doesn't run. because god hates me. fucking cars...bout $650 into her so far...

random shit

2007-03-26T03:12:00.000-04:00

"well you tell him 'bon appetite, douchebag'"" :D

silk sheets are comfy

i haven't written any poems in god knows how long...it's like writer's block. or just plain laziness. take your pick.

yes, it's 3:15am and i'm awake. and i have to getup at 5:30am for work.

i can't help but wonder if there's a woman my age, who I think is so attractive, who is so smart and funny, who is my perfect match, who I just haven't met yet. it's fun to think about, but kinda irritates me why we haven't met yet. why the fuck does everyone else get to be so goddamn happy before me? like that's fucking fair...

i hope the 40 i just spent on the volvo fixes the damn thing.

i think that if i got orders to england, i might consider extending my enlistment to go.

to do, or not to do...

2007-03-21T19:45:00.000-04:00

well I told myself that i'm not going to fuck w/any more chicks down here in the south. I'm done w/girls until I goto CA. but DAMMIT that's hard! fuck! you have no idea. example: been going to the e-club lately after work w/friends, and the bartender we usually get is CUTE AS HELL. like, DAMN. and I don't see any bling-bling on her finger (course, she could have just taken it off), but damn! I wanna talk to her, or ask her out or something, but that severely conflicts w/my original decision....I fucking knew it would happen. christ!

can't torture myself forever...think I'm gonna have to shit or get off the pot...ask her out or just forget it all together...

decisions decisions...

thoughts before bed

2007-03-17T00:22:00.000-04:00

i think that my purpose on earth is for everyone else to be happy (at least most people, most of the time). but i don't seem to be happy. who the fuck's out there to make me happy? kind of a depressing thought i guess. who wants to go through life unhappy? there's no point. this isn't suicidal tho, so get off my nuts.

in other news, I wonder if I almost died after PT. like, seriously. i couldn't drive home from the gym because i was too tired. TOO FUCKING TIRED. and my chest hurt. like, my heart. it fucking hurt. so i drank what water i had left, and fucking slept in my car for like an hour. my left hand started tingling a little too, but I don't know if that's because i was leaning on it weird or not...:/ i might goto the hospital and see wtf they say...guess one guy said i might have heart murmurs or irregular heartbeat. I looked it up, I think i might have "stable angina" which is like lack of blood flow to the heart. I dunno, it was an option on webmd that sounded semi close to what I felt...

time to sleep my life away...

i'm kinda bummed...

2007-03-12T20:50:00.000-04:00

my girlfriend, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, isn't looking so hot these days...the latest photo I've seen either doesn't do her justice, or....i'm not sure. I think I'm gonna have to break up w/her :/

in other news, I think i'm gonna buy a Wii. I shouldn't. but I want to. they're fun! but I seriously need to spend money on other more important things...like getting the damn volvo running...and sold. extra $$ never hurts.

so I think i'm done w/broads down here. must be something in the water, i dunno. I'm gonna (try to) wait until I move out of here before I look to meet anyone. I think I might try to goto San Jose. My buddy lives out there making some good $, maybe I can too. I was thinking about going to san diego, but then I saw the map and how damn close it was to mexico...FUCK THAT. I don't need to see every fucking sign in spanish and english. i'll go further north and avoid that fucking horseshit.

one day...

2007-03-11T21:15:00.000-04:00

i have this bump on my arm. it's been there for as long as I can remember. it's a lump, but it's flat and square. like a computer chip. i think the cia bugged me when I was a kid...one day i'm gonna get the nerve to just get a pocket knife and cut that fucker out. if it's not a chip, then i guess i'll have a cool scar there huh?

well, not all broads are crazy I guess

2007-03-11T16:47:00.000-04:00

can't say there was much, if any, chemistry yesterday on the coffee date...but I can't say there was anything wrong w/her. i mean, we just didn't seem to click, and there's nothing wrong with that. oh well. worth a shot.

i still hate the south. i hate this state. i hate this town. i need to get the fuck out. and i'm sick of the fuckers down here. EVERYONE. i need some time away from ALL THE BULLSHIT. i don't wanna talk to anyone, see anyone, be around anyone.

R&B

2007-03-11T13:05:00.000-04:00

GODDAMMIT I FUCKING HATE R&B.

The club

2007-03-11T12:13:00.003-04:00

Fuck, i hate the club.....i'm only here for moral support.....

got a car wash today...

2007-03-10T13:48:00.000-05:00

so you know what that means, right? I got a date :) really kinda lame how I only clean my car when I get a date, huh? it also means I only clean my car once every blue moon, and that's sad for both reasons :(

but i'm not in a sad mood, I got a date tonight :) so hopefully that goes well. maybe i'll post back about how it went. actually, i'll def post if it goes bad...cuz i'm good at those posts. if it goes well, i'll prolly have other things on my mind than this stupid blog :)

in other news, i think i have a small cold; my nose wants to stuff up randomly, and now my throat is slightly sore from fucking phlegm. bah. fucking colds. take a halls and drink some chocolate milk (or coffee) and call it good.

ALS still sucks the balls. gotta give 2 more speeches, write some more fucking papers, but should be done in less than 2wks.

radiohead said it best...cuz i don't belong here

2007-03-05T19:50:00.000-05:00

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs runs...
runs...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

three strikes

2007-03-05T19:16:00.000-05:00

so today i failed a test.
then got scolded for having my hands in my jacket pockets.
then i got yelled at for stopping my car in a no parking zone.

i have zero motivation to do shit. i have a speech to give tomorrow. i don't feel like talking to anyone let alone see anyone. i just want to go to sleep and not wake up for a month.

.....

less pissed than the last post

2007-03-04T21:59:00.000-05:00

not a whole helluva lot to post, but i just felt like it. so sue me.

someone told me recently that I needed to move into a bigger room so I can get a bigger bed for "the bitches". hmm.

while I can see his point, my take is this: if the broad doesn't like things the way they are, then too bad (too bad for me too, huh?). i'm stubborn, and I like things the way i like them, and right now, that's a twin extra long memory foam mattress, in the guest bedroom, cluttered with stuff like a teenage boy's room, only the gi joe figurines are expensive electronic items and computer cords and the like (of course, the teenage boy's girly posters are still girly posters in my room).

maybe i need to grow up...but i feel like i grew up too fast, so that conflicts. like part of me skipped my teenage years, and the other part hasn't got there yet. it's a fucked up situation.

but on other news, i may have a coffee date this weekend, so i hope that at least goes through. it's simply amazing and pure luck when such a small battle like that wins in my favor. course, you can win all the battles you want, but if you lose the war, you're fucked (or not, in my case).

here's to winning something...

fuck, i hate the internet!

2007-03-04T00:56:00.000-05:00

try to send a fucking email, and NO. FUCK! wtf is wrong with the fucking internet. and fucking myspace. FUCK myspace. they need to fix their goddamn servers.

i'm not gonna say god, so i'm just gonna say that fate takes a daily shit on my life. like every fucking time. it's unyielding. unrelenting. non stop.

i'm not depressed this time, i'm FUCKING IRATE. i'm goddamn sick and tired of constantly being shit on. i can't make any fucking progress. and i'm gonna push back.

F U C K.

i just wanna fucking punch something. hard.

christ!

all i can say is.....

2007-02-26T17:34:00.000-05:00

OUCH.

and life goes on.

i'm old

2007-02-24T14:45:00.000-05:00

i heard myself saying "have fun...be careful". I get that from my dad. he always said that when he knew i was going out drinking, or whatever...so when I said it, i had that same look my dad did when he said it..i know i did..i could feel it. it's the feeling that you care enough for somebody that you'll let them make possibly bad choices, in hopes that they'll discover (hopefully sooner before later) that a better choice could have been made. some people just have to find out that way though.