random shit again

so because of my ridiculous lack of energy from pt, etc, the doc gave me zantac. ZANTAC. that shit's for stomache acid reflux. wtf?! crazy broads.


speaking of broads, apparently my roommate gets booty calls at random. note i said "he gets", not "he calls for". fucking crazy.


bought a Wii. it's fun. and not that expensive.


volvo still doesn't run. because god hates me. fucking cars...bout $650 into her so far...

random shit

"well you tell him 'bon appetite, douchebag'"" :D


silk sheets are comfy


i haven't written any poems in god knows how long...it's like writer's block. or just plain laziness. take your pick.


yes, it's 3:15am and i'm awake. and i have to getup at 5:30am for work.


i can't help but wonder if there's a woman my age, who I think is so attractive, who is so smart and funny, who is my perfect match, who I just haven't met yet. it's fun to think about, but kinda irritates me why we haven't met yet. why the fuck does everyone else get to be so goddamn happy before me? like that's fucking fair...


i hope the 40 i just spent on the volvo fixes the damn thing.


i think that if i got orders to england, i might consider extending my enlistment to go.

to do, or not to do...

well I told myself that i'm not going to fuck w/any more chicks down here in the south. I'm done w/girls until I goto CA. but DAMMIT that's hard! fuck! you have no idea. example: been going to the e-club lately after work w/friends, and the bartender we usually get is CUTE AS HELL. like, DAMN. and I don't see any bling-bling on her finger (course, she could have just taken it off), but damn! I wanna talk to her, or ask her out or something, but that severely conflicts w/my original decision....I fucking knew it would happen. christ!

can't torture myself forever...think I'm gonna have to shit or get off the pot...ask her out or just forget it all together...

decisions decisions...

thoughts before bed

i think that my purpose on earth is for everyone else to be happy (at least most people, most of the time). but i don't seem to be happy. who the fuck's out there to make me happy? kind of a depressing thought i guess. who wants to go through life unhappy? there's no point. this isn't suicidal tho, so get off my nuts.


in other news, I wonder if I almost died after PT. like, seriously. i couldn't drive home from the gym because i was too tired. TOO FUCKING TIRED. and my chest hurt. like, my heart. it fucking hurt. so i drank what water i had left, and fucking slept in my car for like an hour. my left hand started tingling a little too, but I don't know if that's because i was leaning on it weird or not...:/ i might goto the hospital and see wtf they say...guess one guy said i might have heart murmurs or irregular heartbeat. I looked it up, I think i might have "stable angina" which is like lack of blood flow to the heart. I dunno, it was an option on webmd that sounded semi close to what I felt...

time to sleep my life away...

i'm kinda bummed...

my girlfriend, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, isn't looking so hot these days...the latest photo I've seen either doesn't do her justice, or....i'm not sure. I think I'm gonna have to break up w/her :/

in other news, I think i'm gonna buy a Wii. I shouldn't. but I want to. they're fun! but I seriously need to spend money on other more important things...like getting the damn volvo running...and sold. extra $$ never hurts.

so I think i'm done w/broads down here. must be something in the water, i dunno. I'm gonna (try to) wait until I move out of here before I look to meet anyone. I think I might try to goto San Jose. My buddy lives out there making some good $, maybe I can too. I was thinking about going to san diego, but then I saw the map and how damn close it was to mexico...FUCK THAT. I don't need to see every fucking sign in spanish and english. i'll go further north and avoid that fucking horseshit.

one day...

i have this bump on my arm. it's been there for as long as I can remember. it's a lump, but it's flat and square. like a computer chip. i think the cia bugged me when I was a kid...one day i'm gonna get the nerve to just get a pocket knife and cut that fucker out. if it's not a chip, then i guess i'll have a cool scar there huh?

well, not all broads are crazy I guess

can't say there was much, if any, chemistry yesterday on the coffee date...but I can't say there was anything wrong w/her. i mean, we just didn't seem to click, and there's nothing wrong with that. oh well. worth a shot.


i still hate the south. i hate this state. i hate this town. i need to get the fuck out. and i'm sick of the fuckers down here. EVERYONE. i need some time away from ALL THE BULLSHIT. i don't wanna talk to anyone, see anyone, be around anyone.

R&B

GODDAMMIT I FUCKING HATE R&B.

The club

Fuck, i hate the club.....i'm only here for moral support.....

got a car wash today...

so you know what that means, right? I got a date :) really kinda lame how I only clean my car when I get a date, huh? it also means I only clean my car once every blue moon, and that's sad for both reasons :(

but i'm not in a sad mood, I got a date tonight :) so hopefully that goes well. maybe i'll post back about how it went. actually, i'll def post if it goes bad...cuz i'm good at those posts. if it goes well, i'll prolly have other things on my mind than this stupid blog :)


in other news, i think i have a small cold; my nose wants to stuff up randomly, and now my throat is slightly sore from fucking phlegm. bah. fucking colds. take a halls and drink some chocolate milk (or coffee) and call it good.


ALS still sucks the balls. gotta give 2 more speeches, write some more fucking papers, but should be done in less than 2wks.

radiohead said it best...cuz i don't belong here

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs runs...
runs...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

three strikes

so today i failed a test.
then got scolded for having my hands in my jacket pockets.
then i got yelled at for stopping my car in a no parking zone.

i have zero motivation to do shit. i have a speech to give tomorrow. i don't feel like talking to anyone let alone see anyone. i just want to go to sleep and not wake up for a month.

.....

less pissed than the last post

not a whole helluva lot to post, but i just felt like it. so sue me.

someone told me recently that I needed to move into a bigger room so I can get a bigger bed for "the bitches". hmm.

while I can see his point, my take is this: if the broad doesn't like things the way they are, then too bad (too bad for me too, huh?). i'm stubborn, and I like things the way i like them, and right now, that's a twin extra long memory foam mattress, in the guest bedroom, cluttered with stuff like a teenage boy's room, only the gi joe figurines are expensive electronic items and computer cords and the like (of course, the teenage boy's girly posters are still girly posters in my room).

maybe i need to grow up...but i feel like i grew up too fast, so that conflicts. like part of me skipped my teenage years, and the other part hasn't got there yet. it's a fucked up situation.


but on other news, i may have a coffee date this weekend, so i hope that at least goes through. it's simply amazing and pure luck when such a small battle like that wins in my favor. course, you can win all the battles you want, but if you lose the war, you're fucked (or not, in my case).

here's to winning something...

fuck, i hate the internet!

try to send a fucking email, and NO. FUCK! wtf is wrong with the fucking internet. and fucking myspace. FUCK myspace. they need to fix their goddamn servers.

i'm not gonna say god, so i'm just gonna say that fate takes a daily shit on my life. like every fucking time. it's unyielding. unrelenting. non stop.

i'm not depressed this time, i'm FUCKING IRATE. i'm goddamn sick and tired of constantly being shit on. i can't make any fucking progress. and i'm gonna push back.

F U C K.

i just wanna fucking punch something. hard.

christ!